People are funny. (You can already tell this post will be a bit of a rant) ;)
We have these supposedly linear progressions that are more or less expected of each and every one of us, and that’s cool, because they often make a lot of sense (go to school, find something that interests you, get a job, take on responsibility, and so on).
But not everyone wants the same things, and not everyone wants those same things at the same times (if they want them at all).
Lately there have been so many questions. My partner and I are coming up on the six year mark in our relationship – not married, and we don’t have kids – and so apparently, this sounds some kind of urgent alarm for people.
Uh oh! You’re doing it all wrong!
Except… not really.
Hilariously, some friends and family have actually given up on the idea of marriage for Josh and I, and have slowed down on asking, “When will you get married?”, and started asking, “When will you have kids?” – as if we’re somehow incomplete without either or both of these things.
(I’m 25 and have apparently bypassed marriage street, running full steam ahead to baby town!)
It’s the oddest thing. I honestly can’t relate to people’s obsession with these things. Both are very personal decisions and *should* be based on the people in the relationship – and no one else.
Why do people care so much if we’re married, or if we have 0 kids, or 6 kids?
One family member in particular is obsessed with (perhaps unknowingly) trying to make me feel bad about the fact that I don’t have either things in my life – at times ‘greeting’ me by saying things like, “Are you guys engaged yet?” instead of saying ‘hello’ like a normal person.
(This is coming from the same person who once tried to give me ‘tips’ on how to convince Josh to marry me. I’m sorry…. whaaaa????)
Pro-tip, guys: getting married isn’t hard to do! If I wanted to be married already, I would be!
People are unable (read: unwilling) to accept the fact that a woman in her mid 20s is actually – believe it or not – happy with how things are. I’m not pining over marriage, or the idea of having babies. Both are great things that people do, but neither have been right for me yet.
The things I’ve really cared about, and really focused on, have been building the relationship I have, and working every day to make it the best it can be. To work hard, save money, and buy a piece of property to call my own in the city that I love.
I’m rational and practical and some people may find that boring, but putting $20k of hard-earned cash toward getting into my first house seemed – to me – far more important than spending it on a buffet and a DJ. That’s a personal choice – it’s what I wanted and was right for me.
But I’m not against getting married or having children – in fact, I probably will get married, and I may decide to have a child one day. It just irks me that instead of celebrating the successes and the things I’m proud of, people want to point out the things I don’t have or haven’t done. My issue isn’t with marriage or children at all, it’s with the sense of entitlement people feel to judge these incredibly personal aspects of one another’s lives.
So worry not, friends & family – I’m not hiding some sort of massive secret. If / when we decide to get married, and if / when we decide to have a child, you’ll be the first to know! ;)